finally

AGH! finally, after months and months of having only Midnight over Sanctaphranx on the shelf (which is #3 in the series), Powerbooks finally stocked books 1 and 2 of the Edge Chronicles.

As of this afternoon, I am now a proud owner of book 1, Beyond Deepwoods.

Strange: never got interested in Series of Unfortunate Events, but was greatly drawn to the Edge Chronicles. More my kind of thing, I guess. Fantasy, strange creatures, sky pirates. *sigh*

Anyway, I've been compiling a list of books that i want to own, and soon, i'll be putting up a wish list page. Yay!

On a heavier, more self-involved note, Sir Gus was discussing Levinas in class. specifically, about the Other: that we experience only the TRACE of the other. more on this later. i gotta work on ePub.

writing for the sake of writing

taskeen asked me to update. haha. so i'll update. however, i doubt that anyone will be really interested in this since this post is about me, me, and me.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Will I ever meet me?

Sometimes i worry that i don't really know who i am. I've been hedging around this question for some time now, and it has become more and more urgent for me to come to terms with myself because my parents are pushing me to pursue further studies. But what studies should i pursue?

some time ago, i decided to stick to a cause (the environment). but then, how will i serve that cause? in what capacity? i'm scared that i'm absolutely talentless, that i'm mediocre in many things (jack of all trades, master of none!). and if i am talentless, what does that mean for me? for my future?

when i was younger, i always thought that i would end up doing something great, that it will come to me. as it turns out, life's not like that. you're the one who has to pursue what you want to happen in life. unfortunately, i don't seem to know what i want in life.

right now, all i know about what future job i want is...

1. i want to be happy to do it2. i will be good at it3. hopefully, it will allow me to travel4. i have a fair employer5. it's flexible and not very structured the way 9-5 jobs are (no management positions, please!)

i know i'm taking up multimedia, and that i think i have some potential with it. but i'm also very interested in history and philosophy (although what career i can get with that, i don't know). i also like the outdoors, and reading and critiquing books (especially young adult fantasy).

actually, there is one thing that i would like to do: maybe write a book (non-fiction) about young adult fantasy. i really, really would love to have to do this. however, i don't think that any publishers here in the Philippines would be sold on that idea, and i don't know that any publishers in other countries would accept me, if they ever do get interested in the idea. *sigh* i think i have to talk to sir brion about this.

==============================================

me and me

the other day, i was telling blooey about the tragic fact that a person will probably never miss himself or herself because they're with themselves 24/7. do you get what i mean? if you start of thinking of yourself as "me" and think of yourself as another person... things start to get... i dunno... sometimes depressing. i haven't decided how i feel about it yet.

but now i'm thinking, i'm with me 24/7, and yet... i don't know me. i haven't really met me. there's just too much there that i don't understand. i think, though, that this lack of "understanding" is just me trying to grab a hold of myself, to hold myself still in one place: to put labels on me, i guess.

oh my gawd, i just realized something. i've been attempting to make the same (which has somewhat become an other) into the same. shit. i'm going crazy. this is the sort of things that can drive a person into a mental institution.

but seriously, when you think about it, you can't really definitely say that a person is like this or like that because the next day they can be different. people are funny like that: they're constantly changing, from one moment to the next.

a few years ago, i remember that i got so depressed (hell, i was crying in my bed) because i realized that NOBODY will ever know ME. the whole me, i mean. because no matter how hard you try, you're really a slightly different person to different people. each person you interact with sees something different in you--just a part of who you are. NOBODY (except God, i guess) knows all of you.

and now, (it's a good thing i didn't end up crying again) i realize that not even I can understand/know MYSELF. so how can you expect anybody else to do the same?

our potentials as human beings constantly manifest themselves in a person. that's why we're always changing. potentials that manifest themselves but don't come to pass or do. so when i pick a career for me, then i'm picking just one or two potentials to see through.

*bleah*this is giving me a headache.

additions

9. Keep in touch more with old friends

• this is especially important now that i'm graduating
• must gather numbers. lost all when i lost my phone. gah. send me your numbers, all.

10. Follow through

• i keep making plans and i don't follow through. i should.
• stick to plans. like this one.

New Year's Resolutions

I think it's always nice to set goals for the year. It gives a person something to look forward to, i guess. This is a special year, of course: the year I will finally be FREE of the academe. Oh, heaven.

As of this moment, I have not yet been able to track down where I stored a copy of my sampung mga daliri website, which contains last year's resolutions (or was it 2 years ago? uh oh), so right now, i can't really evaluate how well I've lived up to those resolutions.

Enough about the past. Let me get on with this year's proposals.

1. Stay physically fit.

• join a gym and MEAN IT.
• have a regular exercise program. buy one of those video work-out things if i have to
• eat healthier. minimize junk food and carbonated drinks

2. Be more disciplined.

• when i make plans to study, i have to stick to them.
• no more procrastinating.
• if i stick to a study plan, i get a reward.
• if i don't ... then i don't get a reward. i want to say i'll get punished, but... nah.

3. Be more people-ized

• be more friendly
• hiding in my room is permitted, but only after i've gone down to greet people
• be more conscientious about birthdays and other special occassions
• make an effort to get to know people in my neighborhood: stop being such a loser

4. Practice, practice, practice

• set up a decent personal website. i mean it. you know you want to but you're just too lazy.
• if you really want to join adventure races, then by God, find people who are interested. when there's a will, there's water... i mean, a way (wahehe. corny.) REMEMBER: plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. you gotta make opportunities instead of just waiting for them to come your way. remember juan tamad. jeez.
• and how can you even hope to join adventure races if you can't even pass the skills test?! refer to #1. be fit.
• apply for a job in a magazine you like. you know which ones.
• research on how to apply for school in other countries.
• decide on whether you want to join aisec.

5. be more diplomatic in disagreements with the parental units

6. be a better sister (that sounds so good. heehee)

7. take better care of personal possessions

• clean the desktop and laptop: inside and out; get the desktop burner fixed!
• vacuum the keyboards
• DO NOT lose another cellphone
• DO NOT lose your wallet

8. be more financially conscious

• stop being such a glutton. buy only food that you can finish
• save. save. save.
• don't be capricious
• learn to earn

hmm... what else? that's all i can think of for now. i'll build on them as i go along, maybe?

*shrugs*

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!