writing for the sake of writing
taskeen asked me to update. haha. so i'll update. however, i doubt that anyone will be really interested in this since this post is about me, me, and me.
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Will I ever meet me?
Sometimes i worry that i don't really know who i am. I've been hedging around this question for some time now, and it has become more and more urgent for me to come to terms with myself because my parents are pushing me to pursue further studies. But what studies should i pursue?
some time ago, i decided to stick to a cause (the environment). but then, how will i serve that cause? in what capacity? i'm scared that i'm absolutely talentless, that i'm mediocre in many things (jack of all trades, master of none!). and if i am talentless, what does that mean for me? for my future?
when i was younger, i always thought that i would end up doing something great, that it will come to me. as it turns out, life's not like that. you're the one who has to pursue what you want to happen in life. unfortunately, i don't seem to know what i want in life.
right now, all i know about what future job i want is...
1. i want to be happy to do it2. i will be good at it3. hopefully, it will allow me to travel4. i have a fair employer5. it's flexible and not very structured the way 9-5 jobs are (no management positions, please!)
i know i'm taking up multimedia, and that i think i have some potential with it. but i'm also very interested in history and philosophy (although what career i can get with that, i don't know). i also like the outdoors, and reading and critiquing books (especially young adult fantasy).
actually, there is one thing that i would like to do: maybe write a book (non-fiction) about young adult fantasy. i really, really would love to have to do this. however, i don't think that any publishers here in the Philippines would be sold on that idea, and i don't know that any publishers in other countries would accept me, if they ever do get interested in the idea. *sigh* i think i have to talk to sir brion about this.
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me and me
the other day, i was telling blooey about the tragic fact that a person will probably never miss himself or herself because they're with themselves 24/7. do you get what i mean? if you start of thinking of yourself as "me" and think of yourself as another person... things start to get... i dunno... sometimes depressing. i haven't decided how i feel about it yet.
but now i'm thinking, i'm with me 24/7, and yet... i don't know me. i haven't really met me. there's just too much there that i don't understand. i think, though, that this lack of "understanding" is just me trying to grab a hold of myself, to hold myself still in one place: to put labels on me, i guess.
oh my gawd, i just realized something. i've been attempting to make the same (which has somewhat become an other) into the same. shit. i'm going crazy. this is the sort of things that can drive a person into a mental institution.
but seriously, when you think about it, you can't really definitely say that a person is like this or like that because the next day they can be different. people are funny like that: they're constantly changing, from one moment to the next.
a few years ago, i remember that i got so depressed (hell, i was crying in my bed) because i realized that NOBODY will ever know ME. the whole me, i mean. because no matter how hard you try, you're really a slightly different person to different people. each person you interact with sees something different in you--just a part of who you are. NOBODY (except God, i guess) knows all of you.
and now, (it's a good thing i didn't end up crying again) i realize that not even I can understand/know MYSELF. so how can you expect anybody else to do the same?
our potentials as human beings constantly manifest themselves in a person. that's why we're always changing. potentials that manifest themselves but don't come to pass or do. so when i pick a career for me, then i'm picking just one or two potentials to see through.
*bleah*this is giving me a headache.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Will I ever meet me?
Sometimes i worry that i don't really know who i am. I've been hedging around this question for some time now, and it has become more and more urgent for me to come to terms with myself because my parents are pushing me to pursue further studies. But what studies should i pursue?
some time ago, i decided to stick to a cause (the environment). but then, how will i serve that cause? in what capacity? i'm scared that i'm absolutely talentless, that i'm mediocre in many things (jack of all trades, master of none!). and if i am talentless, what does that mean for me? for my future?
when i was younger, i always thought that i would end up doing something great, that it will come to me. as it turns out, life's not like that. you're the one who has to pursue what you want to happen in life. unfortunately, i don't seem to know what i want in life.
right now, all i know about what future job i want is...
1. i want to be happy to do it2. i will be good at it3. hopefully, it will allow me to travel4. i have a fair employer5. it's flexible and not very structured the way 9-5 jobs are (no management positions, please!)
i know i'm taking up multimedia, and that i think i have some potential with it. but i'm also very interested in history and philosophy (although what career i can get with that, i don't know). i also like the outdoors, and reading and critiquing books (especially young adult fantasy).
actually, there is one thing that i would like to do: maybe write a book (non-fiction) about young adult fantasy. i really, really would love to have to do this. however, i don't think that any publishers here in the Philippines would be sold on that idea, and i don't know that any publishers in other countries would accept me, if they ever do get interested in the idea. *sigh* i think i have to talk to sir brion about this.
==============================================
me and me
the other day, i was telling blooey about the tragic fact that a person will probably never miss himself or herself because they're with themselves 24/7. do you get what i mean? if you start of thinking of yourself as "me" and think of yourself as another person... things start to get... i dunno... sometimes depressing. i haven't decided how i feel about it yet.
but now i'm thinking, i'm with me 24/7, and yet... i don't know me. i haven't really met me. there's just too much there that i don't understand. i think, though, that this lack of "understanding" is just me trying to grab a hold of myself, to hold myself still in one place: to put labels on me, i guess.
oh my gawd, i just realized something. i've been attempting to make the same (which has somewhat become an other) into the same. shit. i'm going crazy. this is the sort of things that can drive a person into a mental institution.
but seriously, when you think about it, you can't really definitely say that a person is like this or like that because the next day they can be different. people are funny like that: they're constantly changing, from one moment to the next.
a few years ago, i remember that i got so depressed (hell, i was crying in my bed) because i realized that NOBODY will ever know ME. the whole me, i mean. because no matter how hard you try, you're really a slightly different person to different people. each person you interact with sees something different in you--just a part of who you are. NOBODY (except God, i guess) knows all of you.
and now, (it's a good thing i didn't end up crying again) i realize that not even I can understand/know MYSELF. so how can you expect anybody else to do the same?
our potentials as human beings constantly manifest themselves in a person. that's why we're always changing. potentials that manifest themselves but don't come to pass or do. so when i pick a career for me, then i'm picking just one or two potentials to see through.
*bleah*this is giving me a headache.
2 Comments:
At 11:29 PM,
Anonymous said…
tinstots,
don't worry... you will find yourself, just pray.
i will be praying more for you. in case you need someone to talk to, i'll aways be herrrre ^-^ *mwah*
so, sama ka na sa mission, i think jing's joining. come on, it'll be so much fun. you just might find your passion when you join the mission. there's so much ecotourism in pandan aside from the medical predicament. the more concerned citizens of the town need people to work for causes of saving the environment, it might be the one for you. expose yourself! we have a great big country to explore and play around in! :)
and and... please, please.... switch to LJ. it's so much faster and fun to post there.... taskeen, jing and jill's there na as well as i... come on dearie...
i lubsha bebs.
love,
mitzi-mary
At 11:47 PM,
jhoanna said…
dude mali yung url ng link mo kay rache!
and yes. join the mission. i am! (la lang. if that's makes the decision easier for you kids. i'll be there *winkwink*)
>
j
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